Tennessee is home to - let's see - Jack Daniel's, country music, Graceland, Davy Crockett. ...
But a slightly precocious cab? A full and voluptuous - yet never overpowering - Viognier?
Waiter: "And may we start you off with a very exquisite 2004 chardonnay from Chattanooga?"
California wine snob: "I am in hell, aren't I?"
But look out, Napa. You too, Santa Barbara. And don't get cocky, Temecula.
Tennessee is stomping some grapes. So is Connecticut, for that matter. Then there's Kansas. And Montana.
It's getting crazy out there when it comes to winemaking. Every state in the Union has this thing called land, and just about every state in the Union is suddenly planting a bunch of grapes on it.
Tennessee will hold its first state wine festival this month. Country singing star Kix Brooks started a winery near Nashville this summer.
What's next? A Dolly Parton Pinot Grigio? (It would have to be full-bodied.)
North Dakota also has a wine festival. And when is the growing season there - a 17-minute span in late July?
Even Alaska has wineries. For a tasting, one probably needs a dog team ... and a thin wine glass that's capable of surviving subfreezing weather.
What are these states thinking? We're California, dudes. We're wine country. We produce 90 percent of all U.S. wine. We've got the climate, the soil, the history.
We don't go around growing a trillion stalks of corn, so Iowa should just cool it with grapes.
Fat chance. Iowa held its third-annual wine festival this summer.
"It's global warming," quipped Donna Henrickson, whose marketing firm is promoting the Tennessee wine festival. "It's creating better spots for grape growing."
Gerald Hamm is executive director of the Tennessee Winegrowers Association, and he's bullish on Tennessee wines. Some did very well in a recent fair in Indiana, he said.
Indiana? Ha!
Actually, that is a big deal. Indiana holds the annual Indy International Wine Competition, one of the largest in the nation.
Tennessee has a bit of a problem when it comes to crafting wine, said Hamm, who runs Keg Springs Winery near Columbia. Tennesseans like sweet drinks, so fruit wine is the moneymaker. The wineries do produce the more esteemed dry varieties, but only in small quantities.
"You guys can sleep at night," Hamm said of Tennessee edging out California for a possible "Sideways" sequel.
But that's how Toyota started, right? And how did Ford react? Well, look at Ford now.
One wine-industry group is seeing a surge in popularity. The Wine Institute, which represents California wineries, gauged consumption at 2.37 gallons per U.S. resident in 2005, up from the 1.77 in 1995.
Winemaking is growing as well. Check out the Zimmerer family, which has been farming in Wyoming since 1926. They grow alfalfa, beans, sugar beets, corn. They raise cattle.
And now they grow grapes.
They planted a field a few years ago to see if it could be done, Patrick Zimmerer said. It can - thanks to special hybrid grapes that withstand bitter-cold weather.
So now the Zimmerers have a winery.
"The perception of wine drinking has changed," Zimmerer said. "It's amazing. We get old-time ranchers who know quite a bit about wine."
Is the California wine industry worried? If Wyoming can grow wine, what's next?
"I think it's fabulous," said Gladys Horiuchi, a spokeswoman for the Wine Institute, which represents California wineries. "It means more opportunities for consumers to learn about wine."
But where will this end? Who won't be making wine? Who won't be bragging about its special homegrown qualities?
Jersey?
"It's a free country," Horiuchi said.
Michael Stetz is a staff writer for The San Diego Union-Tribune.
