Just what the name Michael needed: another PR nightmare.
And you, my fellow Michael, didn't help matters by getting caught running a dogfighting ring and then, before you were even sentenced, getting nailed for smoking dope, too.
We Michaels thought we had seen the worst of it when another fellow Mike - last name Tyson - bit half the ear off Evander Holyfield in a 1997 boxing match.
Then there's Michael Jackson, who looks more like, say, a Michelle.
Then came Michael Richards - Kramer from "Seinfeld" - who went on a bizarre racial tirade at a comedy club.
Come on, guys.
We're not Wendells.
From 1950 through 1998, Michael was the most popular name for boys in the United States, according to the Social Security Administration. Even when new forces such as The Beatles came into play, Michael stayed No. 1. Ringo couldn't wrestle it away.
Michael didn't surrender the top spot until Jacob took over in 1999. It has trailed in second place ever since, which is no surprise given the headlines Michaels have been making.
What's next?
Will Joshua, now No. 3, overtake us?
Could Tyler, now back at No. 18, possibly be a threat?
If so, ouch.
Michael used to be so far ahead of the pack it wasn't even funny. The name was big in entertainment, sports, religion. Think Michael J. Fox, Michael Jordan, Michael the Archangel.
Remember the Gatorade ad campaign for Jordan? "I want to be like Mike." Who didn't?
At one point, a Michael almost became president.
But then came the Michael spiral. It included: Michael Milken, the junk-bond king. Michael Bolton, the sappy crooner. Mike Myers and his starring role in "The Cat in the Hat."
Can one bad person really spoil a name? Let's just say this: Do you know any Adolfs?
"You better change your name," suggested Linda Rosenkrantz, syndicated columnist and co-author of eight books on baby names, including "Beyond Jennifer & Jason."
Actually, she was joking. She thinks Michael will survive the hit by Michael Vick. "It's not the best time for Michaels, but these will pass."
Yes, popular culture influences people when they're choosing their babies' names, Rosenkrantz said. The name Aidan became popular because that was the name of a boyfriend of one of the characters in the TV show "Sex and the City."
Ava is hot now because actress Reese Witherspoon chose that name for her daughter, Rosenkrantz said.
But Michael has staying power, she believes. The name is popular with many ethnic groups. It has religious roots.
"I wouldn't worry. You can carry it proudly," Rosenkrantz said.
But still. Check out the San Diego Michaels. Even here, we have problems.
The Chargers have three Mikes: a guard, a backup running back and a punter. Sorry, but Mikes should be stars, such as quarterbacks. That would be quarterbacks who don't fight dogs, of course.
The Padres this past season sported two Michaels - Michael Barrett, a backup catcher who was known for getting into fights, and Mike Cameron, who kept whiffing at the plate. He struck out five times in one game.
Poor Mike. What can be done?
Got to live with it, I guess. It's something we Michaels have to weather.
There's at least one bright note, however.
We're not named George.
